My Wildly Intoxicating Friday Nights

I wanted to share with you all what I spend my Friday nights doing.  After a long week of work, cleaning, cooking, homeschooling, and all my other responsibilities, I can't wait for Friday night!

I head over to a little place to unwind.  It is near a college, so there are always college students there, lots of regulars, sometimes some new fresh faces.  Many have become friends. It is BYOB, and some nights it gets CRAZY up in there!

As I walk in I feel like that theme song from the old TV show Cheers, "Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came."  I do feel like a rockstar sometimes just walking in.

We are all there for the same reason, to relax, unwind and start off the weekend right.  We share our ups and downs of the week and let it all go as we laugh, move, release, and start to feel the lightheadedness that we all came there for.  Sometimes we use this night to help each other out by reaching out a hand, or lifting a heart.  Sometimes we just take it easy, kind of "take a breather".  Other nights, we get wild!  Like hot, sweaty, loud, and silly.

Friday nights are always a blast!  Whatever we end up doing, wherever the night takes us, it's the end of the night we all anticipate.  After all of the excitement from the night we all begin to wind down.  The affects of the night have given us all what we came for a sort of "buzz".  Friday nights, unlike any other night we all get together, we like to take that "buzz" to a different level or a "high".  

Some people are not quite into this so they take off, go on their own way.  Most of them eventually stay once or twice to experiment, and some get hooked like most of us are.  We all gather in the corner of the place, sit in a little circle, and sit nervously at first, giggling and chatting before we indulge ourselves into the unknown.  

As we all left the place tonight, we grabbed our empties and headed out to the  parking lot.  Some of us lingered and chatted, it's always hard to get behind the wheel after all that mind altering activity.  But, we gotta get home right?  I came home, still buzzing from the wonderful Friday night yoga class that I am blessed to teach, and so high from the meditation group I love to lead after that.  I am also grateful to all the regulars, friends, and new faces that I get the opportunity to share my Friday nights with each week.

Sisters=Love

The beautiful children in this picture are my babies.  I feel so blessed to be a part of creating these little perfect beings. To me, they are my babies, to others they are little girls, but to each other, they are each others whole world.

As I looked through the albums to pick out these pictures of my twosome I realized there were not many of them without each other.  Which is typical to this dynamic duo, this Yin and Yang.  Each picture with two little faces either smiles, or sillies, but always lots of love.  

The thing about sisters is that they seem to have been born to be each others best friend.  They finish each others sentences, sleep in one bed (even though they have 2), balance each other out (both good and naughty), share secrets, and best of all, they know unconditional love.

The little sister always thinks the things the big sister does are so cool and can't wait to be "that big".  The big sister always has a motherly love for the little sister and wants to take care of her and protect her.  The little sister, because she is protected, has a free spirit and takes chances.

They cannot live without each other.  What happens if they have to?

That is where we are.  My Alyssa has to live without her sister.  She doesn't want to, she doesn't like it, and she would do anything if she could to have her sister back.

I now went from having two lovely little girls to losing my first born (the big sister), grieving my loss, and trying to help my baby (the little sister).  It is hard enough being a parent, with the handbook being so difficult to read, and the diagrams are confusing, now what do I do?  

At first she doesn't want to talk about it.  GOOD! (no, not really) I don't know what to say to her because I don't know what to make of it and even tell myself. For a long while we go through motions of life, almost robotic.  "Do you want to talk?...No..."Me either."  Then she has to stand by me as I tell everyone (in the whole world it seems) "what happened", "how it happened", and "how we are all doing".  Now that I look back on those days I don't know how we did that.  Then, we were "doing good".  We could function, interact with others, and do things like eat out, visit people, shop, and even laugh and smile.

So, here we are now.  Those steps seem to never end completely.  I have to tell people "what happened".  We are "doing good".  We can even laugh, smile, and enjoy ourselves with less guilt (that we are here and she's not).  Talk about it...well...still no one wants to. 

Talking about it is none of those things in the steps above.  I think we know that we have so much inside that if we do it's going to be HUGE!  Are we ready for huge?  Can we handle it?  Do we want to? Do we have to?  If I want to talk will it make you sad?  What if I'm happy and you want to talk?  You might make me sad?

Sometimes it goes like this:

Her: Mommy?

Me: Yeah?

Her:  I miss sissy.

Me: I know. Me too.  Let's go to Starbucks!  

Us: YAY!

or

Me:  You know sissy liked that too.

Her:  Yeah...you know what I wanted to ask you?  Can I get an iPhone if I pay for it with my own money?

Me: Uh...NO

So, you can see the pattern.  We are both missing so much with the big sister gone.  No balance, no best friend, the two is now one, half is missing, and where she was is now heartache and pain.  It's easy to talk about the fun times, the good old days, and the love (now).

We are coming up on the 3 year anniversary of the "hard times".  We know it, we feel it even when we don't think about "it".  I don't know if this piece will ever go away.  No matter how hard we try to cover the "hard times" with thoughts and memories of the good they still sneak on in.

As we are driving in the car the other day Alyssa says to me in tears,  "In 59 days I will be older than sissy."  I replied,  "We celebrate her birthday every year Nys, so she's 16 going on 17, you'll never be older."  I said it so matter of factly as if that made it so.  Sometimes I don't even know what I mean when I say stuff!  

Again, these answers are NOT in the handbook, but I know it's not right.  I know there should be a better way.  I just don't know what the right way is.  There is no one to tell me, and really there is no handbook or diagrams.  I wonder what happened to these beautiful children?  These babies of mine, these two that were supposed to be one?  

Last night as we are driving home from the yoga class I teach Alyssa says, "Mommy, I can't stop thinking about sissy's last day it was so awful.  I know the exact date it was my last day of 5th grade.  You left her to come pick me up and you should have stayed with her.  She cried, and whined for you not to leave her mommy and you did because of me.  I feel so bad mommy, you should have stayed."  By now she is crying and all I can say is, "Alyssa you are my daughter too and I didn't know that was her last day, no one did.  As a parent I have to just do what I feel is right at the time and make those choices knowing that when I look back on them I will have no regrets."  It was true.  I look back and I don't.     I go on to explain to her I would have done the same if it were her and she agreed I had made a logical choice.  We talked some more and it hurt, and it felt better, kind of at the same time.  

I realized that we missing the same person, and we are also missing two different people.  We miss Airica, I miss my daughter, and Alyssa misses half of her whole world.

To My Alyssa I love you

Protein Packed Blog Post (recipes too)

Mini Pita Pockets with Faux Chicken

"Chicken" n' Dumplings Soup

It has finally been asked...How do you get your protein?  The first thing that comes to mind is to ask people in return how do you get your zinc?  Or how do you get your vitamin B3?  The reason for the return question is because most people just ask "Where do you get your protein?" due to the myth that you can only get the amount of protein that you need from animal products.

I will share with you what foods I get my protein from.  With the added challenge of helping a friend who needed some advice on getting enough protein in her diet without meat, dairy, beans, and little soy!  Don't worry I saw her today and she is not withering away. She is healthy, beautiful, and back to teaching yoga 4 weeks after having a beautiful baby girl (a baby girl who apparently wants to be vegan without the gas from beans :)

The average person weighing 150 pounds needs about 55 grams of protein per day.  That is even enough for athletes (or yoga rockstars).  Here is a list of some of my favorite foods and the amount of protein they contain: 

Peanut butter 2 tbsp 8 grams

Almonds 1/4 cup 8 grams

Edamame (not sure if you count that as bean or soy?)  68 grams per cup

Oatmeal 1 cup 8 grams

5 oz tofu 11 grams

3 oz of quinoa 14 grams

Almond butter 2 tbsp 7 grams (my fave)

1 Whole wheat wrap 6 grams

Chia seeds 1 tbsp 2 grams

Whole wheat pasta 3/4 cup 7 grams

Here are some fruits:

Avacado 4 grams

Banana 2 grams

Dates 1 cup 3.6 grams

Blueberries 1 cup 1.1 grams

Apple .47 grams

Grapefruit 1.45 grams

Grapes 1.09 grams 

Some veggies:

Artichoke 3.47 grams

Asparagus 1/2 cup 2.16 grams

Bok choy 1 cup 2.65 grams

Broccoli 1/2 cup 1.86 grams

Corn 1 ear 4 grams

Kale 1 cup 2.57 grams

Peas 1 cup 8.58 grams 

Potato 4.33 grams

Spirulina/seaweed 1 cup 64.37 grams

Swiss chard 1 cup 3.39 grams

Beans...gas included:

Lentils 1 cup 17 grams

Kidney 1 cup 16 grams

Black 1 cup 15 grams

Garbanzo 1 cup 14 grams

So, as you see there is protein in tons of stuff we all eat everyday.  All fruits and veggies have protein some just have a small amount.  Some people feel that the best source of protein is from meat like beef.  Cows graze and eat grass all day long.  The grass that cows eat contains one gram of protein per teaspoon, and that's only from the juice they chew out of it.  So, it seems that either way, you are really getting your protein from a plant source.

p.s.  Just in case it ever comes up some good sources of zinc are wheat germ, tahini, pumpkin seeds, dark chocolate, and peanuts.  Good sources of B3 aka Niacin are bran, peanuts, and sun dried tomatoes ;)

Here are a few recipes full of muscle building protein:  

Faux Chicken

1/2 Cup vital wheat gluten

1/2 Cup water

In a medium bowl stir together.  Knead dough for 5 minutes until elastic and set aside.

In a large pot add:

2 Cups water

1/4 Cup nutritional yeast

2 Tbsp tamari (optional)

1 Tsp onion powder

1 Tsp dried sage

1/2 Tsp dried thyme

1/2 Tsp salt

1/4 Tsp celery seeds

Bring to a boil.  Cut the dough into desired shapes/sizes and drop into the boiling water and spices.  Reduce heat and simmer for 50-60 minutes stirring every 15 minutes until all liquid is reduced completely.  *For a chewier texture place on a lightly oiled baking sheet after boiling and place in oven for 10-15 minutes at 350° F.

"Chicken n' Dumplings Soup

1 package faux chicken (I use Morning Star Meal Starter it boils up like chicken, has the same texture and 23g of protein per serving)

2-3 stalks of celery sliced

4 carrots sliced

1 medium onion diced

6-8 tsp of Better that Bouillon No Chicken Base

2 tbsp parsley (optional)

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp pepper

Brown Chicken in an oiled pan, then place into a large pot.  Add the remaining ingredients then add 16 cups water.  Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and cook on medium until carrots are softened and onions are clear.  While cooking prepare the dumplings.

Dumplings

2 cup whole wheat or all purpose flour

4 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup unsweetened soy or almond milk

4 tbsp oil

Mix all ingredients together and knead for a few minutes making sure it is combined.  Roll out dough to 1/4 inch thick.  Slice with a knife into desired size for dumplings 1-2  square inches.  Make sure soup is boiling and drop dumplings into soup stirring so the dough gets wet to avoid sticking.  Then cover and simmer for about 20 minutes.  Then let soup sit for 10-15 minutes and serve. 

Yummus

1 can of chick peas

1/4 cup water

3 tbsp tahini

1 tbsp olive oil

1/4 lemon juiced

1 clove of garlic mashed

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

Place all ingredients into a food processor until smooth.  Then Yummus!  For a unique flavor use roasted garlic and or roasted red pepper.  Be creative!

Amazing Nut Butter Smoothie

1/4 cup apple juice

1 cup plain or vanilla coconut or soy yogurt ( I LOVE coconut yogurt)

1 tbsp maple syrup or agave nectar

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 tbsp nut butter (USE ALMOND BUTTER YUM!)

1 banana

Mix it in the blender maybe add a bit of ice. So, yummy!

Enjoy :)

Am I Prepared for Yoga?

This is a picture of me right in the middle of my teacher training course at the Sivananda Yoga Ashram in Grass Valley, CA.  As I look at myself in the this picture I remember how new it all was to me then.  The place, the feel of it, the asana instruction, the philosophy, learning to put together the 8 Limbs of Yoga and apply them to my life,  and the wonderful kirtan (I could go on and on).  I was so open and ready to soak it all in.  The meditation scared me, the pranayama opened me up.  It was all so amazing.  I wanted to stay there forever.  It was truly an experience of a lifetime.  How I prepared myself for this experience?  I just signed up, and showed up open hearted and open minded.

Now, a year and a half later it is almost time to go back to that same place for my advanced teacher training course.  I have been teaching asana for a year and a half and have learned so much from that alone.  Some of which was learning how much I still have to learn.  I have also deepened my own practice.  I have found a place to practice that keeps me mindful of my practice with a great balance of philosophy and spiritual guidance. 

Here is where it gets crazy.  As I get closer to my ATTC at the ashram I know what to expect.  Waking up at 4:30am, a full hour of pranayama, two 1/2 hour meditaion sessions with a 1 1/2  Satsung, two 1 1/2 asana classes with advanced postures, more in depth anatomy classes, Raja Yoga class, Sanskrit class, and and 1 1/2 hour philosophy class (which is never shorter that 2 hours because Swami Sita has so much to share).  Om Namah Sivaya!

"Knowing" all of this is coming up I have been trying to prepare myself.  I have been trying to get in more and longer meditation sessions.  I have been trying to take 2 asana classes for my own practice in addition to teaching the classes that I do each week.  I have been trying to get further and deeper into my postures and trying to get to bed earlier.

Last night (Tuesday 3/21) I was in my regular yoga class.  It was awful!  When I got there I was still upset from the previous Thursday and the tight shoulders that I had arrived with, that day.  "Knowing" they were better I was gonna show those shoulders today, right?!?  Today it wasn't shoulders it was something else.  The cue is given to lengthen...well I can't lengthen it any more that is as far as it goes!  Why is this teacher, this class, this studio, this city, this whole world stressing me out?  Whatever >:(

I get home go to bed (early) and I can't sleep.  My shoulder is sore and if you didn't get it from the last paragraph I was mad at the world.  I had decided I was going to get up early (uncharacteristically) and fit in a morning asana class at the studio that I go to.

So, this morning I get up early, get ready and head out.  This is not my normal routine.  I had to leave the house a little earlier because of rush hour.  The world was different out there at that time.  The freeway was moving at 25 mph.  People stressed trying to get to work and not be late showing up.  Horns honking, people cutting others off.  As a result the scattered fender benders.  I was thinking there is no need for all that stress they will get there when they get there. 

I get to the studio.  The same exact place I was last night...but not.  It was quiet and calm.  There were only a hadful of people there.  The light that comes in through the tiny windows at the top of the wall gave the room a different feel.  I waited to meet the teacher.  I have been coming for a year but had not met her yet.  She was lovely as are all yoga teachers :D.  I was ready and open (I thought) to make up for the bad feeling I left with the night before.

Class began and it was different right from the start.  Of course every teacher is different, I expected that.  This class was REALLY different.  She invites us to view things as they are and not try to group them into categories.  To view each thing as it is.  Okay, good enough, let's get into posture.  She has us stand and explains she will tell us what to do and then we do it in our own time.  Ok, great, let's go!

"Let's all come to the top of our mats, standing tall, arms out to the sides and eyes closed." she says in her lovely yoga voice.  Ahhhh, here we go.  "Now slowly move into spider pose."  WHAT?  What is that?  I look at her out of the corner of my eye for guidance.  She says there is no spider pose, so do whatever spider pose is to you.  The whole class was like this.  She said the name of a made up pose and we moved our bodies to "feel" that pose.

 After all it is about how you feel, and your breath, and how you get there, not even really where it is you are going.  Showing up whenever it is you get there.  Having no expectations, living in the present moment, accepting things as they are.  Wow, I always say those things...but this morning I realized I don't always follow my own advice.


My shoulders, my yoga teacher, the class, the studio, the city, nor the world were stressing me out...It was me who was stressing me out!

Today I begin to prepare myself for ATTC.  I am looking at ATTC and each day leading up to it as a new experience.  Open and ready to soak it all in, open hearted and open minded. The above description is a list of classes and asana on the daily schedule, not how I will experience it.  I do know (but maybe just re-realized it) that it will all be as it should and the more I think I "know" and the more I "prepare" I am getting further away from the point of yoga altogether.

Smoothies <3

 

I really <3 smoothies.  I make one or two a day.  Some times I share them and sometimes I don't.  Most of them come out really yummy, and some not so yummy.  The ones that come out not so yummy I just add some maple syrup and tell myself how good greens are for me and drink fast. 

So you can imagine how sad I was Saturday morning when my blender bit the dust.  For a moment I wanted a smoothie more than ever (you know, because I couldn't have one).  Then in my mind I was like what will I do now?  Smoothies are my favorite meals, I have all the fresh fruits and veggies for them, they are going to all go to waste, and I may starve without my smoothies! Yes, I know a bit dramatic.  Then my wonderful husband, and of course hero, said, "Why don't you calm down and we will go buy a new one?".  Wow, he saved the day.

He also added that we should maybe get a better ons since I use it so much.  My mind again takes off into it's own world and says "Vitamix".  Then I realize that we can't skip a car note to buy a blender :(.  We compromised on the Ninja Professional Blender NJ600.  I used it this morning to make my Good Morning Green Smoothie and it worked like a charm.  I made one for my hero too.  There are 3 blades that go up the center of the blender and it blends so fast and smooth I am amazed.

I just wanted to share a couple of my favorite smoothie recipes in honor of my new blender.  Give them a try!

Good Morning Green Smoothie

2-3 Cups Spinach

1 Cup almond or soy milk

1-2 Cups strawberries

1 Cup blueberries

1 Banana

2 Tbsp Flax seeds

Get Your Engine Started Smoothie

1-2 Bananas

1 Cup almond or soy milk

1 Tbsp instant coffee or grain alternative

2 Tsp cocoa powder

2 Tsp maple syrup

Airica's Flower is Blooming

This is a picture of Airica's Flower sent to me from Airica's BFFAE "Leena".  She took the picture and wrote, "Airica's flower blooms at the oddest of times.  It's beautiful and unique just like Airica".  

This plant/flower, the beautiful Gerber Daisy, was planted for Airica the day that she died.  It was one of the thoughtful gestures, made by many to our family.  Along with many flowers and gifts of food and comfort.  The difference with this one was that unlike the food and other bouquets it "lived" on.  It became my living bouquet to remind me of Airica and purposely it was her favorite color pink.

I have never had a "green thumb".  I have had plants but none flourished.  I had  to make sure this plant lived.  I read online how to care for the Gerber Daisy plant.  How it lived outdoors until the first chill and indoors in the winter until spring.  I learned that it bloomed in the warmth of the spring sun.  Sounds easy enough right?

  Summer ended and it started to cool down so inside came my plant along with some cute little inch worms.  Yes, very cute, like Slimey from Sesame Street, but eating the leaves of Airica's flowers!  It was a week long battle to rid the plant of the inch worms so that they or the plant didn't get hurt.  We all survived.  The adorable little inch worms had a new home far from the house, the plant was alive yet full of holes, weak and brown, and I was emotionally exhausted trying to make sure Airica's flowers lived on.

Then in the middle of winter, beautiful bright pink daisies bloomed.  I was shocked, amazed, and excited.  Airica's Flowers continued to flourish and bloom whenever they wanted to.  They did not follow the seasons, they didn't only bloom in spring, they weren't even dormant in winter.  Like Leena said, Airica's  flower blooms at the oddest of times."

As spring approaches my whole being remembers that spring 3 years ago when my beautiful Airica got sick.  It just happens.  As the sun becomes warmer, the flowers begin to blossom, and everything starts to become a beautiful green, my heart begins to ache.  It even seems to be subconscious at first.  I don't know why I feel so opposite of what I should feel at the beginning of this wonderful season.  Then before I can finish the thought my heartache reminds me.  Of course I try to focus on the good memories, and the beautiful blessing that I had for almost 14 years of being Airica's mother, unfortunately that is often outweighed by the realization that half of my heart is missing from my chest.

As these feelings were creeping up on me this year I get this picture from Leena  (she is now the care taker of Airica's flowers since we have moved to Arizona).  As I am looking at this beautiful flower which reminds me of my sweet girl I begin to think about this actual flower in the picture.  It is so bright and full of life and brilliant color.  This plant has used up all of its energy to produce this wonderful flower.  It is, just as Leena said, "Beautiful and unique just like Airica." This flower will only be here for a short time and then it will be gone.  We will have to enjoy it for what it is, feast our eyes upon the beauty it shows us for this brief time, and take from it what we can while it is here. Again, just like Airica.

The flower that blooms at the oddest times?  Everything says these daisies bloom only in spring, yet this one blooms whenever it decides.  Defying nature, a unique gift, blooms so vibrant I wish they were always present.  Again, just like Airica.

Airica's huge smile was so vibrant, her love was so mature and sincere, her beauty inside and out was such a gift to all who experienced it, her life so brief in the terms of what we expect, yet defying nature because the love that blossomed from her lives on in all of us that loved her.

Is it hard to be Vegan?

I get this question from so many people when they find out I am vegan.  That and where do you get your protein...hee hee.  Let me start with something I said to my cousin today who is on a very wonderful path of eating healthy and exercising.  Anything is only as hard or as easy as your mind tricks you into believing.  Yes, I know you can feel the yogi in me coming through.  I really believe its true.  Why can we convince ourselves that getting dressed, putting shoes on, putting on a coat, hat, and gloves, getting into the car, driving to a fast food place, waiting in line, placing your order, waiting some more, driving home, getting settled, and eating your take out at 10pm is easy?

It is our mind giving in to our craving and addiction to those foods that "taste" good but aren't good for you.  So before we can even begin to eat healthy we have to train our minds, even trick them, into being satisfied with healthy foods.  

Luckily there are TONS of recipes that make healthy foods into comfort foods!  There are lots of vegans who eat mostly raw foods and lots of salads and that is great if that is what works for them.  For me, I need something warm and yummy that will fill my tummy :) and satisfy my mind of the craving.

Another question that people ask me often is how I survive without milk, meat, and especially cheese.  My answer is we are living in 2012 with so many alternatives to all of those things that taste AMAZING! Along with so many fabulous recipes that fill any void and please every taste bud.  For example, tonight's dinner:  Pizzas on a whole wheat tortilla, lots of veggies, vegan pepperoni, and cashew cheese I made myself.  I am even amazed about the cheese thing.  I made cheese today...never thought I'd say that ever.  

 

I would have to say, like I did before, "easy" is an excuse your mind makes to help you give into your habits.  Like anything in life things get better and easier with practice.  If your goal is to practice eating healthier or exercising, the same applies.  

One more thing to remember is that we are all human, no one is perfect, and "life" easily throws us off track.  The important thing is to recognize when this happens and get ourselves back on track, whatever that may be.

How I began My Yoga Journey

This is the story of how yoga was introduced into my life.  It is actually funny.  As I remember those times I hear in my head what my teacher Swami Sita said about there are no coincidences, all things happen for a reason even if we don't understand it at the time or even ever understand it at all. 

I was about 26 years old, a single mother of two girls working at the daycare that they attended.  At this point in my life I felt almost no purpose in my life.  I knew it was my job in life to take care of these two beautiful children I was blessed with and I took that job very seriously.  So much so that I didn't realize that I wasn't taking care of myself. 

Sometimes I felt like I was in a cycle.  Wake up, get the kids ready, go to work, get the kids home from work, get the kids ready for bed, go to bed, then do it all over again.  Even work felt like that mundane cycle.  Go to work, work hard come home exhausted, barely have enough energy to get the kids dinner and to bed, barely have enough money to pay the bills, once they are paid, then do it all again.

My sister was in the military at the time and my now hubby, was then one of my good friends.  I met him at the daycare because he took his son there as well.  My sister came to visit me often and she would be the one to "take care" of me.  She would take me shopping and buy me the things I didn't buy myself because I was providing for the girls.  She is famous for her shopping skills BTW.  My "friend" Christopher would meet me weekly for breakfast and we would talk about our lives and our kids and just enjoy each others company.  He did then, as he does now travel a lot for work.

Christopher was out of town for a few months on a sabbatical from work and during that time my sister comes for one of her usual visits.  We shop and visit  the usual stuff sisters do.  This trip we seem to take a bunch of pictures of each other, together, and the girls.  I told her I would develop them and send her copies (remember...the old days when we had to develop film...LOL).  When I went to pick up the pictures and took a look at my 26 year old self I was a little freaked out.  I am over weight, I look unhappy, unhealthy, and frumpy.

After this I realize that I need to snap out of this place I am in and take charge of my life.  I decide that I will start to exercise.  I get the girls we head over to good ole Wal-Mart so I can buy a workout video (yes video as in VHS...that is all there was for the common folk in those days).  As I am there at Wal-Mart the two girls in the cart browsing the workout videos I realize that most of them are aerobics.  That is not going to work for two reasons.  One, I live on the third floor of my apartment building and two I can't afford to buy shoes to do aerobics in AND the workout video.  I keep looking around and I see a video with Denise Austin on the front with no shoes on and it's Beginner Yoga and Pilates video.  No need for shoes, I made my choice.

I get home with my new video and get the girls fed and to bed by 8:30pm and look forward to staring my workout.  I started to feel better about myself, I had more energy, something for "me" to look forward to, and I lost about 25 pounds.  I was amazed!  As I started to feel and look better my outlook on many things also changed and helped me on the way to the person that I am today.  

My friend Christopher got back into town and we reconnected.  Our schedules had changed since we had last met for breakfast so we decided we could meet for dinner as "friends".  He was shocked to see all the changes in me, and the "friends" thing...as hard as we both fought to be just friends it didn't work as we were falling in love.

Since my first experience with yoga my interest grew.  I would read anything and everything I could about yoga, it's history, origin, and asana (poses).  I dreamed of becoming a yoga teacher and sharing my love of yoga with as many people as I could.  I am so blessed to be able to be living that dream.  My one love made sure that I could live my dream of my other love.  For that I am grateful everyday as I grab my mat to go teach, share, and learn.

I <3 "Bean" a Vegan!

LOL! Funny, right? "Bean" Vegan...get it?  Okay, I know that was pretty corny ha ha!  Seriously though...I am vegan and I have been for about 4 years now.  I am going to share the story of how I became vegan and why I <3 "Bean" vegan (ha ha...again). 

Before I was vegan I was a vegetarian.  You know the kind of vegetarian that makes up their own vegetarian eating rules day to day.  Like, hmm, that burger looks good. It's Tuesday and that's my one item of meat day.  I really had no reason for being vegetarian besides it was part of a proper yogic diet. 

When we moved to California it was the summer of 2008 and my hubby had some friends there he had met though work.  One of his good friends and his wife took us out to sushi for my birthday.  We were just getting to know each other and she knew that I was a vegetarian.  As a gift she went out to find me a thoughtful gift and she found a book/cookbook she thought sounded good.  Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.  Little did I know (she didn't either she just liked the title) this book/cookbook was an introduction to becoming vegan or that I would ever be one.  

I started to read this silly titled book and realized it was based on a diet of solely plant based foods.  None of the recipes used eggs, milk, or butter?  I was intrigued.  Not sold, just intrigued.  It talks about the meat and dairy industries and about the harmful effects of processed foods on your body.  I decided I would try out a few recipes and see what I thought.

I made a few simple recipes and they came out pretty darn good.  I wasn't much  of a cook so I was pretty proud of myself.  In the meantime I realized that Rory Freedman, from the book, was also a contributing author in VegNews while I was flipping though my copy of the recent month's issue.  In her article she suggested  the movie Earthlings to people who wanted to learn more about why being vegan made such a positive impact on...well, everything.

My hubby and I watched the movie and were both so changed by what we had learned we became vegan cold "faux" turkey.  We have been ever since.  Now we are vegan for a reason.  We chose to be vegan for ethical and moral reasons but have since learned the other positive reasons such as the health benefits and the AWSOME recipes :D

I do love being vegan and now I can cook like a rockstar which is really great because I LOVE to eat!  I have learned a ton about nutrition and health along this journey as well.  Most importantly chips and french fries may not be healthy or nutritious but they are vegan!  Seriously that piece about nutrition was important to me because I wanted to make sure that my family was getting proper nutrition  as well as yummy plant based meals and snacks (like oatmeal cream pies, peanut brittle, carmel corn, fudge, cupcakes, we will get to all that later).

Through this blog I will be sharing lots of delicious, fun, vegan recipes for all.

Welcome to my Blog!

Allow me to Introduce Myself...

Well, just like the title says, I am a mother, a wife, a vegan, and a yogi.  Of course all that and SO much more!  To make it easy I put together the above collage to introduce the mother and wife in me.  I started out as a young single mother with two beautiful little girls. 

 Airica was my first born.  Beautiful, kind, with a huge heart and the biggest smile that could light up any room (even this page for that matter).  Her birth marked the beginning of the greatest journey I could have ever imagined...being a mother.  Almost three years later she got the best gift she could have ever dreamed of as we were blessed with Alyssa.  My baby, Airica's little sister.  Smarter than I could ever be, sassy, funny, and the cutest face that could get her out of any sticky situation (well...almost).  

We were living our little happy life the three of us.  Of course the normal ups and downs of life just like any family but way more ups and tons of love and plenty to share.

Speaking of love to share...I met a wonderful man who wanted to share that love.  He loved me and those two girls so much and couldn't wait to be a part of our little family.  In 2005 Christopher (aka Lovie) and I (and the girls too) got married when the girls were 6 and 9.

Our little family was complete.  I even remember feeling and saying "My life is perfect."  It was to me.  We had lots of adventures together the four of us.  Love, silliness, crazy and lots of fun adventures.  Not to mention lots of trips to Disneyland :D  

In 2008 we got the chance to move to California. We all loved it. So many new things to experience. Beach, ocean, Disneyland, San Francisco, Tahoe, even snow (that was new being from Phoenix).

Just like any story that seems too good to be true, mine is just such a story.  In April of 2009 my sweet Airica got very sick, was hospitalized, and diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  She was very strong and brave but she lost her very short battle to the horrible disease that snuck up on us all on June 6, 2009.

My life has, and will never be the same.  

This is not solely what this blog will be about.  However, this is a huge part of my life and I am sure I will have many posts that include Airica or my ongoing struggle to survive with this ache in my heart.  For that reason, I share and maybe that piece of my story will reach someone else who needs someone to relate to due to a similar situation.