Am I Prepared for Yoga?

This is a picture of me right in the middle of my teacher training course at the Sivananda Yoga Ashram in Grass Valley, CA.  As I look at myself in the this picture I remember how new it all was to me then.  The place, the feel of it, the asana instruction, the philosophy, learning to put together the 8 Limbs of Yoga and apply them to my life,  and the wonderful kirtan (I could go on and on).  I was so open and ready to soak it all in.  The meditation scared me, the pranayama opened me up.  It was all so amazing.  I wanted to stay there forever.  It was truly an experience of a lifetime.  How I prepared myself for this experience?  I just signed up, and showed up open hearted and open minded.

Now, a year and a half later it is almost time to go back to that same place for my advanced teacher training course.  I have been teaching asana for a year and a half and have learned so much from that alone.  Some of which was learning how much I still have to learn.  I have also deepened my own practice.  I have found a place to practice that keeps me mindful of my practice with a great balance of philosophy and spiritual guidance. 

Here is where it gets crazy.  As I get closer to my ATTC at the ashram I know what to expect.  Waking up at 4:30am, a full hour of pranayama, two 1/2 hour meditaion sessions with a 1 1/2  Satsung, two 1 1/2 asana classes with advanced postures, more in depth anatomy classes, Raja Yoga class, Sanskrit class, and and 1 1/2 hour philosophy class (which is never shorter that 2 hours because Swami Sita has so much to share).  Om Namah Sivaya!

"Knowing" all of this is coming up I have been trying to prepare myself.  I have been trying to get in more and longer meditation sessions.  I have been trying to take 2 asana classes for my own practice in addition to teaching the classes that I do each week.  I have been trying to get further and deeper into my postures and trying to get to bed earlier.

Last night (Tuesday 3/21) I was in my regular yoga class.  It was awful!  When I got there I was still upset from the previous Thursday and the tight shoulders that I had arrived with, that day.  "Knowing" they were better I was gonna show those shoulders today, right?!?  Today it wasn't shoulders it was something else.  The cue is given to lengthen...well I can't lengthen it any more that is as far as it goes!  Why is this teacher, this class, this studio, this city, this whole world stressing me out?  Whatever >:(

I get home go to bed (early) and I can't sleep.  My shoulder is sore and if you didn't get it from the last paragraph I was mad at the world.  I had decided I was going to get up early (uncharacteristically) and fit in a morning asana class at the studio that I go to.

So, this morning I get up early, get ready and head out.  This is not my normal routine.  I had to leave the house a little earlier because of rush hour.  The world was different out there at that time.  The freeway was moving at 25 mph.  People stressed trying to get to work and not be late showing up.  Horns honking, people cutting others off.  As a result the scattered fender benders.  I was thinking there is no need for all that stress they will get there when they get there. 

I get to the studio.  The same exact place I was last night...but not.  It was quiet and calm.  There were only a hadful of people there.  The light that comes in through the tiny windows at the top of the wall gave the room a different feel.  I waited to meet the teacher.  I have been coming for a year but had not met her yet.  She was lovely as are all yoga teachers :D.  I was ready and open (I thought) to make up for the bad feeling I left with the night before.

Class began and it was different right from the start.  Of course every teacher is different, I expected that.  This class was REALLY different.  She invites us to view things as they are and not try to group them into categories.  To view each thing as it is.  Okay, good enough, let's get into posture.  She has us stand and explains she will tell us what to do and then we do it in our own time.  Ok, great, let's go!

"Let's all come to the top of our mats, standing tall, arms out to the sides and eyes closed." she says in her lovely yoga voice.  Ahhhh, here we go.  "Now slowly move into spider pose."  WHAT?  What is that?  I look at her out of the corner of my eye for guidance.  She says there is no spider pose, so do whatever spider pose is to you.  The whole class was like this.  She said the name of a made up pose and we moved our bodies to "feel" that pose.

 After all it is about how you feel, and your breath, and how you get there, not even really where it is you are going.  Showing up whenever it is you get there.  Having no expectations, living in the present moment, accepting things as they are.  Wow, I always say those things...but this morning I realized I don't always follow my own advice.


My shoulders, my yoga teacher, the class, the studio, the city, nor the world were stressing me out...It was me who was stressing me out!

Today I begin to prepare myself for ATTC.  I am looking at ATTC and each day leading up to it as a new experience.  Open and ready to soak it all in, open hearted and open minded. The above description is a list of classes and asana on the daily schedule, not how I will experience it.  I do know (but maybe just re-realized it) that it will all be as it should and the more I think I "know" and the more I "prepare" I am getting further away from the point of yoga altogether.