How did we get here? Why us?

April 26, 2009

 My beautiful girls.  Just a few months before.  Sitting outside of the California State Capital.  Such beautiful day.  The mild California sun shinning upon our little family.  The colorful foliage that is just part of the natural landscape of Northern California.  Laughing and loving each other as we explore Downtown Sacramento.  I remember this day like it was yesterday.  After this picture we walked though the huge park surrounding the building. Looking up at the structure wondering which office belonged to Arnold Schwarzenegger our governor.  Then we went to a downtown Starbucks where they refused to make us Frappuccinos with soy milk, and then wouldn't let us use the bathroom if we didn't buy something?  All in all it was a fun adventurous day. Nothing out of the ordinary.  By the way Daddy stopped at another Starbucks so we could get Frappuccinos with soy milk and use the bathroom.

My beautiful girls.  Just a few months later.  Trying to be normal, feel normal, act normal.  Our life is so far from where we were just a few short months ago.  In the hospital, awaiting SERIOUS scary tests, full of fear of our unknown future.  As the waiting and fatigue set in you can't help but ask...how did we get here?  Why us?  Not that you wish this fate upon anyone else, but WHY?  Maybe it will be ok, and life will be back to normal?  Maybe it will be the worst possible results?  What will we do then?  Oh no...will that last thought be a factor in the outcome?  Do I pray?  Will it work?  Do I even have faith in a God that could create such an unfair situation?  Sometimes not knowing the answers to questions like these is pure torture. 

Although all these thoughts are racing through my mind I look up at my children.  Two perfect little people that I helped create.  Loving each other, playing, giggling, and arguing over which one loved me the most.  I had to just cease all those thoughts and enjoy that moment.  I had to jump out of my head and into that hospital bed, which was being used somewhat like a carnival ride, and "be" there with and for my babies. And I did...so we started planning our super fun, girls only, secret (oops...no kids other than patients allowed to) sleep over for tomorrow!  Laughing and loving each other as we go through this together.